are you still at the devil's house?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
