Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
