planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
