No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
