I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
