I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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