his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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