You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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