woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
