dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
