Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was like eating out sand paper
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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