well you can't waste a boner
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
