he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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