Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
