This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
