your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
