Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
