I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
