whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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