I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
