Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
