I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
