Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
