It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
