I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
