Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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