my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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