I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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