I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
