i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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