I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
