the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
