I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
