I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
