Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
