he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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