And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
