Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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