I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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