everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
