what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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