And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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