420 ftw
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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