I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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