he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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