I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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