Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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