dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
