"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
