At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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