Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
