only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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